He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
