I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
