I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
