omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
