Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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