I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
