Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
