My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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