this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
