If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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