I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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