insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
