my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
