I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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