On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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