It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
