Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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