Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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