Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
