Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
