Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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