I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize