I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
