I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
