The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
