Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
