i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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