Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
