Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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