dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
