How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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