I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
