Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
