I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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