WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
