So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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