Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize