just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
