You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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