You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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