There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
