you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
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I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
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The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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