the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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