youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
