imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
