I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
