she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
