It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
