So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
