I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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