matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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