you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
