wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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