Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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