At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Cover your peen. We're going out.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
