Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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