we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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