He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
