I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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