He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
