When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza