its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours