I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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