i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
