Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
